raingirl: (Default)
[What should a journal online be? For so many years I kept a journal, but that was only to vent to myself, to think out loud on paper, to reminisce for myself alone. This is open to whomever finds it. An odd thing. While I happily share my life details with people I meet, doing so to the open space of the internet has a completely different feel. Ah well, I will never have a cohesive feel to pretty much anything I do, so why would I expect an internet posting site that I create to be any different. I'll just do whatever comes to mind that I'm willing to put out there.]
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Today: Monday, November 19th 2012
Heavy rain. Driving to much. Trying to stay happy, or should I say positive. Not enough sleep. Contemplating everything, learning from friends, helping friends. Loving family. Anger. Indulging in sweets. Indulging in emotions.
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This moment's reflection:
I know that in the moments of clarity I see that my attitude, which is really 'how I choose to react to my life', is all I can control and that I want to love what is, I want to do things, that I love where I am. But I also see that I want to do things that I love, not just do stuff for others, negotiate logistics. I want to create, to do. I need to love the everyday, but I can't if I don't have the balance of getting to do and be me also. Sometimes I feel so suffocated, like there's no space in my life, in my house, for me.

joy

Jul. 26th, 2011 11:23 pm
raingirl: (Default)
(to balance complaint)

I'm never so happy as when my children are happy. Daughter just came back from Comic-Con. She has wanted to go for years and this year finally could save up money and make the trip. She is ecstatic. She got to meet Karen and Matt - she spoke to them, she got their autograph, Matt wished her well in her life - ahhh. (Dr. Who people - for those who don't know.)

Son had successful day at his summer camp. This is wonderful, he's happy, I'm happy. Each time he has a success, the closer he comes to knowing he can be successful. One step at a time.

complaint

Jul. 26th, 2011 11:17 pm
raingirl: (Default)
I feel drowned in organization. (by organization?) Every which way I turn I need to categorize and put things in some place that they aren't currently. Photos, clothes, paperwork (of course), food, my thoughts and ideas. There are lots of ways to do organizing, so that adds to my being overwhelmed.

I do realize that I have the problem of a privileged person, that I'm really very lucky. And that helps me from being a complete basket case, but I still have to deal with the organizing. I could eliminate - a de-cluttering fest - but it's hard to de-clutter everything in one's life.

I do believe in energy flow, and I know that my cluttered thoughts and things get in my way. It's sometimes just a big cycle that I don't know where to step in.

beginnings

Sep. 13th, 2010 09:17 pm
raingirl: (Default)
my son's school has started up again. i'm feeling sad that summer is over, though happy to reconnect with some of the school people. melancholy with a touch of energy from all those students and advisors (no teachers at his school) starting fresh. i'll try to put myself into the flow and contribute with a smile.

i've been thinking about that group of people who started laughing together. i guess it's grown world wide, but i've never come across any of them. [i've been doing a shit eating grin on my face for a full minute most mornings with the same concept in mind but a solo act. i think it really helps. they (those oh so wise ones) say that the body responds to that action of smiling positively and that it promotes general well being mentally and physically. it's easier than putting myself out there with other people to do a silly act.] it all makes me think of the time i was at summer camp in 7th or 8th grade. we had a cabin full of girls on a ranch in eastern oregon. one night when we were playing cards, i think, we got the giggles and then full out laughter. we couldn't stop. things would settle down a little, and then someone would look at someone else and the out loud big laughs would start again all the way around. i remember leaving the cabin, standing just outside the door to try and catch my breath, but as soon as i would re-enter the cabin i wouldn't be able to keep from bursting out laughing again. we were delightfully exhausted when we decided we just had to turn the lights out and go to bed - the laughs faded out slowly. i love that memory.

i know people now who laugh with such ease. i live with a man who loves to make people laugh, but somehow, i don't give out that full laugh very much - although i do it when the way he is is just too silly. maybe i should find a laugh group and just get the giggles going again, like stretching a muscle or practice makes perfect or some such thing.
raingirl: (cloud)
And no, not with drugs but with life. My son, who has struggled so hard to find anything that he can succeed at and take on as his own, just learned how to ride his bike!!!! He is eleven. I am so excited for him. The look on his face when he did it for real was priceless. I true parent moment. I cried a little, but not so he could see me. He has been needing something like this for a long time. He's been learning how to swim, but the successes in swimming are less defined. Yes he can do a crawl stroke, but he can't tread water, so he can tell himself that he can't swim. But riding a bike? Either you are doing it or you aren't. He can't deny himself this victory. And there's also the need for his body to move that can be so well fulfilled with bike riding. Actually, he just learned how to run right so he can go fast (he used to do something odd with his feet and couldn't get any speed up) a couple of months ago, but that doesn't have the same thrill. He was exhilarated! And I can't stop smiling. May he carry that feeling of accomplishment with him for a very long time.

Woo hoo!!!!!!
raingirl: (Default)
I went to my very first New Year's Eve Party. I was very grown up (except that I didn't drink, because I don't) and had a good time and even managed to stay up until midnight. I'm so proud.

complaint

Nov. 19th, 2009 09:51 pm
raingirl: (Default)
Sick last week with a stomach bug and exhaustion. This is one week later. My stomach still doesn't like me. Does anyone have a used one they would like to get rid of?

a code

Sep. 23rd, 2009 07:20 pm
raingirl: (Default)
code, i have a code - ad i haf to babysit a one dear ode tomorrow fo six hours. i deed chicken soup.
raingirl: (Default)
i'm trying to sit in my computer chair, but little girl kitten decided to curl up and sleep behind me on the chair - fine until i got up for a second, then she moved just enough to keep me from being able to sit back down comfortably without squishing her - so, i've pulled up a second chair next to the first one and angles my screen. now she just moved over closer to be up against my leg - and all i wanted to do was buy tickets to a mozart concert next month!
raingirl: (Default)
I wish posting pages were more interesting - and that my computer had a new battery so it could be truly a laptop again.
raingirl: (Default)
late night eating is adictive

kittens

Aug. 25th, 2009 11:20 pm
raingirl: (backyard)
my understanding was that two kittens were supposed to occupy each other and leave your stuff more alone. i'm finding that now there's just twice the fluff balls attacking my stuff. well, at least they're cute.
raingirl: (Default)
Just starting, too sleepy to do a real entry.

Thanks afuna!!!!!

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